Now on Audible

A lot of you have told me you want to read The Things We Hide, but you never sit still long enough to do it.

I get it. Most of my learning happened behind the wheel, driving between dairies before the sun came up.

So the book is now on Audible, with some extra commentary I added while recording it. Put it on for the commute, the workout, or the drive to Friday night football.

Listen now: https://a.co/d/0fvVRuQR

Every kid figures out early what gets them noticed, and then spends years doing more of it.

I was a small kid and not much of an athlete, so I got smart.

Smart got noticed. Teachers called on me, adults asked me questions, and I loved being the one who knew.

Being the one with the answer became the way I would justify that I mattered.

It followed me to Cornell and out onto the dairies, where a nutritionist who says "I'm not sure" in front of a dairyman feels like he just lost the account.

For years I thought I had to be the answer.

Always the answer.

The question underneath it was one I never said out loud: if I don't know, am I still enough?

Our beliefs drive our thoughts, our thoughts drive our actions, and our actions drive our results. What I didn't see for a long time is that the results feed right back into the belief.

My belief was that my value lived in being right.

So I answered fast, decided alone, and rarely asked. People stopped bringing me their ideas, because why would they? I already had it handled.

Then every problem landed on me, and that felt like proof. See, they need me to have the answer.

That is how the monster gets fed. The applause you chase builds the very pressure that keeps you chasing it.

Not long ago my son asked me a string of questions about faith that I couldn't answer, and I told him the truth: I don't know, man.

A younger version of me would have scrambled for something that sounded smart. This time it was easy, because I don't get my value from having every answer anymore.

What you hide controls you. What you face transforms you, and sometimes facing it sounds a lot like three words: I don't know.

Dr. Dave Jones grew up in northwest Pennsylvania chasing goals on the ice, played pro hockey in Europe while maintaining F-16s for the Air Force, and went on to found M is Good, a Christian advertising agency that has served more than 1,000 ministries. He finished his doctorate in sport and performance psychology in 2024 and coaches athletes, executives, and ministry leaders on the mental game. At 21, a slap shot shattered his nose, and the first thing his coach said at the hospital was, "Let's go."

Here are three takeaways from my conversation with Dave.

1. The Monster Doesn't Retire, It Gets Promoted

Dave learned at seven or eight that scoring goals got him attention, and he says the same hunger shows up in the boardroom, where "it just turns into people, power, and positions." Name the thing you keep chasing to feel like you matter, and ask honestly this week what it's feeding.

2. The Result Was Decided in the Reps

The opening line of Dave's book says it isn't about the shot you missed: "it's about the thousand shots you didn't take in preparation for that one shot." Before you get angry at a result, ask what you did to prepare for it, then put one rep on the calendar this week.

3. You Don't Have to Be the Guy

Dave pointed to a championship hockey team that rolled four lines with no superstar, where every player asked, "How can I play my role within the team? I don't need to be the guy." In your next meeting, hand someone else the decision you would normally make yourself, and let them carry it.

Near the end of our conversation, we landed on the same fear from two directions: if I give it away, I'm admitting I'm not enough. Dave has spent 25 years helping elite performers play free, and it starts with letting go of the need to prove it.

That is the work of The Things We Hide: naming what you've been chasing so you can lead from who you already are. If you haven't had time to sit down with it, it's waiting for you on Audible.

Listen now: https://a.co/d/0fvVRuQR

One more thing. If the book has helped you put down something you've been carrying to prove yourself, would you take two minutes to leave a review on Amazon? It's how the next leader who needs it finds it.

Grab your copy or leave a review: Amazon.com

Did you catch last week’s podcast? If not, listen to it here.