Broken to Leading

I ended the call, and I felt sick.

I was overcome with frustration and confusion. Without thought, I fell to my knees.

As I hit the soft fall California dirt, I put my hands on my head and gave up. I had no idea what to do next, and I was broken.  

I had just had a conversation with one of my nutrition clients, Richard, and he voiced concern about performance, costs, and the service I was providing. 

The last 12 months had been some of the toughest in the dairy industry - it was the fall of 2008, and the economic fallout had not spared agriculture.

Farms had experienced the highest of highs, both in the price they received for their milk and in the prices paid for most expenses, and now the lows were coming.

The entire banking system was reeling, and there was no grace for farms that saw record profits turn to bankrupting shortfalls.

Richard and his family's dairy farms, 3 in total, accounted for one quarter of my total business income, or essentially all of my profit.

The profit was what put food on the table, paid for my family's home, and allowed Kelley to downscale her hairstyling business to work from home and spend time with our son and daughter: our 6-month-old son and 2-year-old daughter.

I had worked with Richard for about 2 years, and I was able to make some adjustments that helped them increase performance and profitability, but costs were also the highest they had ever been.

Richard had met with his accountant, and the topic of conversation was that costs were out of line.

Richard and I had set a time to meet on a Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving.

That Wednesday was the last day Richard and his family were my clients.

Shattered

While Richard never said I wasn't self-aware, I know I wasn't.  I wasn't self-aware because I was too busy solving the problems I saw, rather than the ones he and his accountant saw.

One thing I have learned as a consultant for the last 25 years is that THE problem a consultant sees isn't the biggest or most important problem.  While it may be the factor causing the most damage or harm, if the other person doesn't see it as THE problem, then it's not THE problem, it's just a problem.

It's harsh but true.  It's the dance consultants' have to do.

This is what got me in trouble.  I only saw the problems I saw.  I worked hard to fix them, but was oblivious to the issues that led to me losing my client.

Because I had no idea how to fix the problems I couldn't see, I lost all confidence in my ability to do anything. I was beyond broken; I was shattered.

Putting the Pieces Back Together

I would love to share that I found a mentor, asked them for guidance and help, and came back a few weeks later with a bucket full of lessons and maturity, but that didn't happen.

I languished in the dairy industry for another 5 years.  Some wins, some failures, but nowhere close to the level of business I had had.

I pivoted out of agriculture, started other businesses,  again with some wins and some failures. 

It was nearly 10 years later when I finally found that mentor and started to grow, heal, and self-reflect because I had had enough of the merry-go-round of difficult relationships and business heartbreaks.

As I began to work on myself, as my podcast guest Margaret Andrews shares in her book “Manage Yourself to Lead Others,” I became self-aware and finally understood why my intentions and behaviors were misaligned.

Growth Through Discomfort and Gaining Perspective

The only way we can become the leaders we are all capable of is to choose the discomfort of personal growth.

Most people are trying to do their best, and yes, trust is at an all-time low in our society, because putting fingers at others is easier than taking the time to reflect.

We stall growth when we prioritize protecting our reputation and identity over taking inventory and gaining a new perspective.

Being able to sit at a table with someone and understand their problem is the only way to serve them effectively.

I wish I had that ability when I was in my 20s; I didn't, and I paid dearly for it.  Yet had I not paid and gained a new perspective, I wouldn't understand the damage and costs.

If Margaret can go from being “broken to leading” the most desired and requested class in leadership at Harvard University, guiding and educating some of the best executives in the world, there is hope for you and me, too.

It just takes a decision.  A decision to change, because enough is enough.

Before I sign off today, I’ve got to tell you about two big ways you can grow alongside other incredible leaders in the IDL Community.

First up – The FALL Roundtable Cohort kicks off September 17th.
For 12 weeks, we’ll gather weekly on Zoom—digging deep, challenging each other, and moving forward together. If you’ve been looking for a space to sharpen your leadership with others who “get it,” this might be your moment. Just hit reply, and let’s talk about whether it’s the right fit for you.

And here’s the big one – The 3rd IDL Summit is locked in for May 7 & 8, 2026.
We’re already pouring heart and soul into making this the most impactful, energizing, and downright unforgettable Summit yet. Mark your calendar now—and watch for your chance to grab your ticket soon. (BTW: Annual Roundtable members get a VIP ticket!)

Did you catch this podcast? If not, listen to it here.