Competition: Good or Bad?

Who have you competed with today or most recently?  

Your spouse or family member for attention?

A coworker for accolades or affirmations? 

A workout peer for a better time? 

Yourself trying to be better than you were yesterday?

Or all the above.

Competition is a human instinct driven by the need to ensure survival, reproduction, and social hierarchy. These are hardwired constructs that are as normal as growing hair on your head!

Dismissing competition is just as bad as over-inflating competition.

Passing off competition as just a way of life or a cultural tenet undermines its place in human existence.

The way we have developed tools we use every day is competition, but when it's done at all costs, it costs.  It costs trust, collaboration, and personal sanity.

The only race we will ever lose is when we try to run someone else's.

It may have harkened back to a time when lifespans were short, when men and women drove hard and fast to start businesses and generate generational wealth before 20 or 25 to ensure their genetic existence.  It kinda fits instinctively.

But is that still a human necessity?  Nah, not really, yet in some cultures and communities, the pattern of graduating from high school early.  To have a college degree before being able to buy a beer legally.  It's a race to excel, but for what reason?

At 46, I understand no one really cares what I accomplished in my 20s, 30s, or 40s.  The only people who do are the ones who want validation for being the top 20 in their 20s, 30 in their 30s, or 40 under 40.

Competition is excellent; it drives people to accomplish what they never thought was possible.  But for many, it has a finite ideology. Once I bet you, you are beat.  Once I climb to the top of the mountain, been there, done that.

Once Ohio State beats Michigan again, then all will be right with the world again.  

What's not finite is the competition I can have with myself.  

Ruchika T. Malhotra has a dramatically different background from mine and most likely from yours.  An immigrant two times over, first from India to Singapore, then Singapore to the US, competition was social and survival-based.

What allowed her to excel in each was a competitive nature, not with others, but with herself, as the drive to survive.  Yet it was mired in the premise that she had to prove her worth.

This is the toxic nature of Competing at ALL Costs.  It can cost relationships, personal identity, and personal peace.

Compete with Yourself, Collaborate with Others

I’m not sure when I adopted it as my personal mission, but choosing only to compete with myself saved me.  It saved me from internal conflict and pain, and ruined relationships.

I strive to be better than I was yesterday, with the intention to be better tomorrow than I am today.

Does it always play out that way?  Likely not.  But that is how I focus my routine, mindset, and intentions.

I can't be a better dad than someone else; I can only be a better dad each and every day.

I can't be a better podcast host than someone else; I can only be better the next time than I was the last time.

I can't be a better husband than my wife's ex; I can only be a better husband than I was yesterday. (In case this confuses someone, my wife has only had one husband, so far! ha!)

Choosing to compete with myself drives me to have and embrace standards.  Collaborating with others drives me to serve them.  When the best of my help brings out the best in others, then we collectively do our best.

A candle doesn't get weaker by lighting another candle.

The two candles together provide more light.

Call Your Own Shot

What I can do should not impact what you do.  Nor should what you can do denigrate what I can do.  Yet we see this all the time, and there are places where this is part of life.

If someone can run faster than me, they should win the race, but that shouldn't diminish my ability to master the mechanics of running and help others do the same.

Much like the sink-or-swim paradox, those who figure out how to swim to survive are often incapable of teaching others to swim.

Instead of having a scarcity mindset, understand that there is more than one way to win. What is a medal won today doesn't necessarily translate into a career of impact, resulting in a treasure chest of accomplishment.

Not everyone should win the prize, because doing so devalues it. Instead, we need to encourage ourselves and others to win OUR prize!

Be You

There is no doubt that the level of comparison, and with it competition that has nothing to do with survival, reproduction, and everything to do with social standing, is upon us.

Social media has driven the incessant game of one-upmanship for validation; from likes, followers, comments, etc, that permeates all walks of life.  A middle school popularity contest that never ends.

Consumerism to compete with an unaware competitor.

This drives fears and insecurities to overwhelm and overtake people.  Driving people over the brink.

Yet the seeds of self-worth lie within us all.  We each have unique gifts that serve others in ways that no one else can.  The great opportunity we all have is to cultivate the soil around the seeds, removing the weeds and supplying the elements needed for the seeds to grow and produce fruit.

Once we do this, we can help others do the same.

Competition isn't good or bad.  It's both.  And yet without it, we would cease to exist, and with it, we are creating a case that we may never survive the race.

Did you catch this podcast? If not, listen to it here.