Exploring Spirituality and Community

With her blonde hair flowing, blowing in the wind, despite the braided tail extending from the back of her head down to the middle of her back, she opened the door and scurried inside the humble abode.

Just inside the entrance was a table set for a massive meal. With chargers, place settings, and decor filling every inch not filled with platters of mouthwatering food, the table, which would hold about ten people, was set empty.

Dishes of delectable meats, treats, and everything in between, steamed, filled the room with an aroma that made her stomach growl and her mouth water.

She couldn’t hold back from the desire to take a seat and dig in to fill her famished stomach.

The thing she just couldn't figure out was where everyone was. Everything was prepared and set except the people. She strained to hear any noise from the rest of the small home. Not a sound, beside the rustling of leaves brushing against the windows as the branches and trees swayed with the wind, and the occasional gust reminding her of the bitter bite of the cold air.

With no sign of anyone around, she proceeded to the first chair, pulled it back, and settled herself in. Reaching to her right, she grabbed the tongs to dish herself a heaping portion of the most succulent-looking meat she had ever laid eyes on. Next, she spied the rounded mound of golden, crusted mashed potatoes in front of her. Grasping the ornate golden spoon, she placed three large scoops on her plate.

Lastly, she saw the crowning jewel —a decadent dessert that not only looked like a master baker had created it, but also made every other item at the table seem less than.

With just a small sliver of space left on her plate, the striking young beauty served herself the most fantastic piece of cake. As the serving hit her plate, she was struck with an instant revelation.

She was alone.

The feast represented everything she yearned for as she wandered the countryside looking for safety and cover from the elements.

The food would nourish her; the warm fire, crackling and shifting on the far side of the room, would keep her warm; and the walls and roof would keep her safe.

Yet at that moment, she realized it was all without merit. To sit alone, with the best of the best, but alone, the true nourishment she truly desired was missing.

The laughter, the warm touch from another, the smiles, and hugs were all missing. In an instant, everything that made her eyes gleam, mouth water, and heart palpitate turned dark, black, and cold.

Loneliness

Several weeks ago, I learned a statistic that my podcast guest, Liz Bohanon, brought to my attention. Loneliness has the same level of mortality risk as does smoking 15 -18 cigarettes a day.

The most significant driver of loneliness among men in our society is the lack of strong, high-quality friendships and social relationships, as an Australian study found in 2024.

My podcast guest this week, Peter Ostapko, has set out to change that. Starting first with the KINSMEN journal he authored and created, to curating and hosting events that foster deep conversations for men.

Much like the girl in the story above, who found everything she desired: food, shelter, and warmth. What was truly missing was companionship, community, and the spirituality that comes with it.

While my conversation with Peter is highly spiritual – Christian in basis and ethos – the universality of the need for true companionship in our society is not faith-dependent.

The overwhelming truth is that many have found it in and through faith-based communities, where they understand that life with a belief in a higher power is like the feeling the young girl had with her plate full and every need fulfilled in the moment.

There has to be something more.

Seeking

For me, this first happened in my early twenties. I was raised in a Christian-based home. I occasionally saw my parents read the Bible. We prayed before meals, attended weekly church services, and would identify as “Christians.”

This seemed normal to me because many of my peers and the community did the same. But what I couldn't understand was that when tragedy occurred was the deeper well of faith.

It seemed surface-level and more of a check-the-box type than a pathway to living life to the fullest and a place to gain wisdom, insight, and understanding for this life.

I've seen this same thing for so many others I have spent time with, interacted with, and sat down to eat with.

I don't get it.

To that, I hear you.

So I'll offer this instead of being skeptical and judgmental, as we humans are so prone to be, regardless of spiritual belief alignment. I would not be the person I am today without the grace and love God has poured out on me over my life.

I have shared this in podcasts and conversations, but never in this medium. Since the moment of my brother's death, over 31 years ago now, I have never had one ounce of guilt. The only way I can say and describe that is because of God. That's what I believe because it doesn't make sense otherwise.

I can rethink, feel guilt and shame about the simplest of small things that happened even farther in the past than my brother's death.

I harbor guilt and shame over mistakes made in daily conversations. Yet the single most dramatic, traumatic, and life-altering experience in my life is devoid.

I couple this with the desire to bring purpose and meaning to my brother's life as a further response to the grace I have been given.

3 Takeaways from my conversation with Peter

1. Authentic Community and Connection:

Peter emphasizes the importance of building genuine relationships and community, particularly for men, to foster personal growth and spiritual development. He highlights the need for spaces where individuals can be themselves and engage in meaningful dialogue. For the last 8 years, I have met weekly with a group of men. Sometimes we have done faith-based explorations. At other times, we serve as a panel to consult and offer advice to one another.

2. Faith and Spiritual Curiosity:

The conversation explores the role of faith in modern life, encouraging a demonstration of love and kindness as modeled by Jesus. Peter discusses people's curiosity about spirituality and the importance of living one's faith authentically. Faith and expressions of faith are the center of our society, and for reasons I have shared above. It can also cause as much pain and concern when faith becomes a divider rather than a binder.

3. Personal Growth through Adversity:

Both Peter and I share personal stories of overcoming challenges and heartache, illustrating how these experiences can lead to more profound compassion, resilience, and a stronger faith. My personal growth comes from and through my faith in Jesus, not despite it. For some, this may be uncomfortable, and for others, comforting. If you find this statement uncomfortable, be gracious and let me know why. My greatest growth has come when I've been curious and lean in rather than pull back.

Did you catch this podcast? If not, listen to it here.