Finding Connections in a Disconnected World

You’ve probably heard these two adages: “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” and "It's not what you know; it's who you know.”

Both maxims hinge on connections.

Connections are the fuel that drives everything in the world.

Connections, creating and fostering them, have brought me every opportunity I've ever had, whether I understood it or not.

The latter part has caused me more difficulty than anything else.

I have too often focused so much on the here and now, the present challenge to overcome, that I fell into a finite pursuit rather than the infinite of endless possibilities.

I was transactional with connections and relationships rather than nurturing and fostering them.

Not because I viewed others as a means to an end. Instead, I was in too much of a hurry to get where I needed to go today, so I forsook the possibility of tomorrow and beyond.

Physical, Emotional, and Relational

Harvard University has had an ongoing study for over 80 years; the Harvard Study of Adult Development found that connections were the number one driver for happiness and longevity.

Connections are the social, emotional, and physical interactions we have with people that extend our relationships beyond the here and now, transactional or cursory.

This profound study identified an exceptional truth about the value of relationships. But today, we live in a world where people work alone, hide behind filtered images, and limit relationships homogenously.

Connections are the key to life, yet we have fewer physical, emotional, and relational connections today than we have throughout human existence.

Plant - Cultivate - Harvest

I recently read a passage reviewing the virtues of cultivating like a farmer. This work used different illustrations to help the reader understand the value of their identity.

A farmer must plant seeds before harvesting a crop. Between planting and harvesting, cultivating must be done, clearing weeds, pruning or cleaning the plant, providing water, and doing everything the plant might need to mature to produce a crop.

Each seed we plant in our connection with others yields a harvest. This by no means suggests anticipating a harvest is transactional. My best and longest-lasting relationships are transformational, yet those relationships are fruitful because of the planting and cultivating that is done.

Take my relationship with Joe Navarro, this week's podcast guest. Joe and I first interacted a few years ago when I had him as a previous guest on the Impact Driven Leader podcast.

While we don't chat every week, our relationship has been transformational for me. Joe has shared his wisdom, experience, and knowledge in our conversations and access to some of his professional partners who have also become advisors to me and past podcast guests.

Simply by the words he shared genuinely throughout our 90-minute conversation, congratulations, Joe, you helped create the longest IDL Podcast ever released; I can tell my time spent with him has been valuable to him and others.

The harvest in my relationship with Joe was the conversation and time spent. The cultivation has been the years of support and championing, and vice versa.

Connection is not an Equation.

Every day, I find ways to grow and stretch my leadership ability easily and painfully. It can be from doing the work to grow and learn so that I can provide valuable lessons and insight in this newsletter, podcast conversations, keynotes, workshops, or IDL Roundtable sessions, or from navigating being a business owner, parent, and community member.

There is never a day that goes by without me being pushed to put into practice everything I observe and learn. So often and so much so that some people close to me have to keep me accountable and free from being hypocritical or backsliding.

I need that stretch and vulnerability from those close to me that prove connections are not equations.

If it were, all I would have to do is follow Gary Vee’s $1.80 social media strategy: Find 90 ways to give others your two cents in meaningful and valuable ways daily.

It's a tremendous and brilliant strategy to stay consistent and build a brand, but developing trusting relationships can take time.

Why?

Because relationships are so much more than two cents, people need your heart. They need more than just you giving them your two cents spurt; they need you to walk with them and rely on you while you rely on them.

If we were to examine the most connected communities and societies in the world, Joe would probably include this in his future book. I imagine they are the groups that rely most on others for their existence.

I imagine a seaside Spanish villa where there is a baker, a fisherman, a cobbler, a banker, and a restauranteur. The surrounding areas are scattered with farms, vineyards, and orchards.

Everyone needs everyone. No one is fully self-sufficient merely because being reliant on each other makes everyone stronger.

What's impressive to me is that this simple illustration, while rare and unique in today's fast-paced technological and secluded world, was once the norm.

Building Connections One Curious Smile at a Time

One action I have learned over the years that goes farther than any other to build connections is a smile—well, a curious smile. Joe described it as a gaze while we chatted.

The look of wonder or excitement to be in the presence of someone else, accentuated with a warm, inviting smile, suggests that I am curious to learn more about you and from you.

I have learned that it does more to diffuse tension than any words. It is universal across cultures and languages. It transcends video screens and displays warmth and genuine care to be personable.

A genuine smile followed by curious engagement cultivates connections that blossom into meaningful, long-lasting, and engaged relationships.

With those relationships, anything in life is possible.

Did you catch this podcast? If not, listen to it here.