Hitting Rock Bottom

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Getting Fired

I don't remember the first time I got fired, but I vividly remember the day I got fired twice.

Yeah twice. A client fired me at 9 am. I left their dairy farm and drove to the next client on my schedule for the day, and he fired me, too.

It's the kind of thing that sticks with you.

That guttural feeling like you have failed. A proverbial kick to the groin. That's the part I remember most. Sitting on my tailgate talking to Joe, the second client who fired me, and saying, “man, I feel like I just got kicked in the ____!”

I ended up working with him again a few months later, and then, about 10 years later, he fired me, or in reality, we simply parted ways.

He was one of a couple of clients who hired and fired me more than once. It's a thing in dairy nutrition. My dad experienced the same in his business!

The thing about getting fired is, you get better or get bitter? I certainly had both.

The worst moment getting fired was the day before Thanksgiving 2008.

My kids were 2 and 7 months. We were a single-income family (Kelley still took care of a few hair clients, but no longer worked in a salon), and on that day, getting fired equated to 25% of my total business income and nearly all of my profit.

It was the worst because it hurt the most.

Worse than getting kicked in the groin. It made me fall to my knees and ask, WHY?

Falling to your knees

My podcast guest Matt Doherty had two times when he was fired too. The first time was after leaving the University of North Carolina following his collegiate career. Drafted in the now non-existent 6th round of the NBA draft, he was told “you’re not good enough” and never played in the NBA.

That’ll zap your insecurities like a taser to the…, I’ll refrain from going into detail. I think you get the point, or if not, think about your legs being too short and stepping over an electrified wire!

The second was after coaching his alma mater for three seasons, and after having won the AP National Coach of the Year award in his first year.

He was a victim of too many self-inflicted wounds.

Wounds received by stepping on too many political landmines and falling victim to his hubris.

Losing the UNC job brought Matt to his proverbial knees, and it was made worse when the team he had coached in 2003 and players he had recruited won the national title in 2005.

Mirror Shattering Moments

It's one thing to get fired. It's another to have your mirror shattered. For Matt, not getting to play in the NBA and then getting fired from his dream job shattered his mirror.

The mirror of self-worth and confidence.

As a player, his value was determined by where and how he got to play. As a coach, his value was in where and how he got to coach.

Being told he wasn’t good enough stung and shattered his self-belief.

It happened for me too on that fateful November day. While it wasn't my dream job, it was a client I respected and revered. I looked up to him and felt I had succeeded in doing the job I was hired to do.

I liked that Matt didn't understand the political landscape and who the actual decision-maker was. I, as Matt described, stepped on too many landmines to survive.

Those traumatic psychological injuries caused me to question my ability to do the job I did.

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YNWA

In my desire to prove my value and have success, I push. I would push so hard to get results that I often ended up alone, alone on an island.

The island – a place where your insecurities eat you alive, and soon enough, you have cannibalized the very essence that helped you succeed in the first place. Whatever ability and charisma that allowed you the opportunity to serve others.

Liverpool FC, the current reigning champions of the English Premier League, has a motto. YNWA - You’ll never walk alone.

While it was sung by the home fans starting around 1963, a remake came to prominence after a tragic accident in 1989 at Hillsborough stadium, where 97 Liverpool fans were killed in a crowd crush. Yeah, it's as horrendous as it sounds.

At the funeral procession, the song (originally written for the musical Carousel by Rodgers and Hammerstein) was sung by a single choir boy in front of the thousands in attendance to offer solidarity and comfort in a time of immense pain.

The painful moments become great for our soul when we slow down and seek to grow.

Learning to be Lazy

My most painful moments can be characterized by one simple description: going hard and fast to prove a point.

When my brother died, I was going hard and fast to get the job done. When I was trying to prove myself and my ability as a business owner, I was moving too quickly to understand what my clients wanted from me. When I thought I had all the answers, I was going too hard and fast to seek input from others. When I was going too hard and fast, I left people in my wake.

I had to learn how to walk with others. The 'get with me or get out of my way' approach worked until it didn't.

My success came with a cost, and that reputation started to take the wind out of my sails.

Learning to be lazy, to slow down, to not be in such a rush or hurry, to not run from job to job or client to client, to slow down and be present, to let the agenda be the people, not the task at hand, saved me.

It's a statement that when I shared it with Matt in the midst of our conversation, he said, That's it! Exactly.

Slowing down to walk with people is never lazy. Putting your feet up and expecting others to do your work is.

I had to learn to do the real work. To come alongside others and walk with them.

Because walking alone is hitting rock bottom.

The only way up from rock bottom is to sit in the pain long enough to learn from it, however long it may take.

Did you catch this podcast? If not, listen to it here.