How's Your Emotional Fitness?

My two gym buddies and I have an Instagram group message.  Nearly every video is of some gym fail.  It started when one of the guys discovered that our gym had been featured by an Instagram account, @gymfailnation, years ago.

There was a guy at the gym who would do the craziest Bozu ball barbell power cleans, and so many other eye-popping, cringeworthy exercises. At the sight of him walking into the gym, my buddies and I would scurry for fear of the barbell or weight plate flying through the air and hitting us.

Ok, so that's the context. The conflict is now watching these videos, even though I am in no danger or proximity at all, I feel it.  I tingle, my hands get sweaty, I can feel the anticipated discomfort run down my spine; I have empathetic distress.  I feel!  Why is that a conflict? Because I am feeling a situation that has zero impact on me.

I'm not sure when I started to recognize this, but it's most likely been in the last few years, as I've allowed myself to feel.

When I was younger, I worked hard not to feel.  At first, it was to ward off the pain of being teased or to guard my insecurities.  Then it came to guard my heart from the pain of hurt and the discomfort of teenage life and my brother's death.

This continued for decades and hundreds of relationships.  I would become increasingly callous by hiding my feelings deeper and farther.

I replaced empathy with intensity.  I loaded up on passion* and drive and said screw with heart. (*The irony being that passion is barely a controllable emotion, and emotions are the expression of the heart!)

I had a hurting heart, and my emotional fitness level was that of an obese couch potato.

GETTING FIT

The farthest race I have ever run is 7km.  Yeah, that's it.  Not much of a runner over here. If I were to have measured the distances traveled while playing sports or trying to get cows back to where they belong, I would be considered an ultra athlete!

The 7km Spokenya Run is a fundraiser here in Spokane to raise money for clean water projects in rural Kenya.  7km is the average distance many rural Kenyans travel one way to retrieve water.

I did it once and pushed a stroller with my two oldest kids the whole time.  I don't remember training for it, and I finished unscathed.  That isn't the case for so many people who attempt races every year.  Too often, people jump in, run the race, and regret it, often resulting in injuries and damage to muscles, tendons, and ligaments due to the stress.

The same happens each January when people make the “New Year's Resolution” to get fit.  From the holiday slaught of all the treats to trying to lift a bodyweight's worth of iron, the two don’t correlate to fitness. Twelve ounces of Christmas Cookies can be as heavy as two hundred pounds of weightlifting plates on the body.  

It may be easier to see it in body form than mentally, but the same applies to our mind.  Years of suppressed feelings, thinking we are doing just fine, are the same as eating cake, cookies, and drinking Eggnog, and sitting in an EZ Chair, expecting to look like the Arnold Schwarzenegger version of Santa.

The fast food version of mental food is technology.  Not to be hypocritical, technology has delivered this message to you today.  The equivalent of rolling through the drive-thru and ordering the special is the same as relying on technological relationships to fuel your feelings to get fit.  Our mind needs more.  It requires face-to-face, IRL connections to be healthy.  We need “whole-food” relationships to get mentally fit.

START YOUNG

Physical fitness habits are best developed at a young age, as is mental fitness.  As Dr. Emily Anhalt shared in our conversation, the best thing we can do for society and its youngest generation is to “flex your feelings.”

She believes it is the most important thing we can do for the upcoming generation - prioritizing empathy, relationships, and emotional fitness.  

Dietary suggestions over the years have run the gamut.  

Eggs are healthy, eggs are unhealthy, eggs are amazing. Red meat is nutritious, red meat will kill you, red meat is the key to health.  Dairy three times a day, there is nothing more toxic to put in your body than milk, MILK DOES A BODY GOOD!  

I could keep going, as you know, but I'm hoping you get my point

Emotionally, I see it going like this: It was hide your feelings, then EXPRESS ALL THE FEELINGS,  now this; knowing and understanding your emotions and feelings are healthy, but not an excuse.

Building resilience and knowing how and when to express your emotions is essential for emotional fitness.

There is struggle in life, and trying to eliminate it is choosing to lift the lightest weights in the gym, expecting to build muscle.  It won't work.

Once someone can understand their emotions and develop self-awareness, they can empathize with others, connecting with and understanding them more effectively.

Weathering the storms of life with relationships makes the journey fruitful and productive.  Even the worst circumstances that can occur in life are tolerable when we don't have to do it alone.  We are stronger together.  Just like having a workout partner or friends who send you Instagram messages to make you laugh together makes everything better.  

What I realize now is that my ability to feel the twinge of pain when I see someone drop a 45-pound plate on their foot or snap a band when working out is a healthy response.  It means I've developed my ability to feel and express my feelings openly.

It's made me a better friend, husband, dad, coach, and leader.  Emotionally fit people don't hide their feelings; they express them effectively.

WORKOUT PLAN

Here is a 3-set plan for you to develop your own emotional fitness.

1. Emotional fitness is about building resilience and learning to tolerate discomfort, as everything you want in life often lies on the other side of discomfort.

2. Self-awareness is crucial for empathy; understanding your own emotions allows you to better connect with and understand others.

3. Prioritizing emotional health is a proactive journey that can prevent future stress and strife, much like maintaining physical health to prevent illness.

Just like the gym, doing this once won’t change you.  Make it a priority in your life and encourage those around you to do the same.  Invite someone to work out with you.

Did you catch this podcast? If not, listen to it here.