Learning to Lead in Prison

I’ve never been to an actual prison.  I've haven’t even been arrested or set foot in a courtroom.

But I’ve lived within the walls of a prison.  I’ve allowed my fears and insecurities to imprison me.  My actions of self-preservation and avoidance of truths and realities resulted in a lengthy sentence.

The difference between an actual prison and a self-imposed one is stark, but they both change us.

Prisons create adversity.  In physical prisons, as in conversations and stories I've heard from people, the biggest challenge one faces is relationships.

Which is ironic because our self-imposed prisons are in response to relationship challenges as well.

Prisons are all about adversity.  Real prisons are the culmination of some extent of adversity.  Offering much more behind bars and walls.

Self-imposed prisons are the same.

Adversity is a given in life.  As Michael shared with me, “In the depths of adversity, we find the strength to lead and the wisdom to grow.”

How will Adversity Affect You?

My friend Damon West spent a good stint in prison, 7 years. While incarcerated, he learned a valuable lesson. Damon learned what it meant to be the coffee bean.

The teacher of the lesson was a gentleman whom Damon met while in jail before being transported to the Texas state penitentiary.

He took Damon aside and explained what would happen the moment he was moved into the much larger system.

He would be forced to pledge his allegiance to the power brokers in the jail system.  The gangs, groups, and factions are the rule of law.

Boiling it all down, he said, you can let prison make you hard, like an egg put in boiling water.  Or soft like a carrot in the same water.  The better choice is to be like the coffee bean and change your environment.

Let adversity make you better rather than bitter.

Damon didn't align with a group; he brought all the groups together.  A process he still follows, speaking to prisoners across the country, teaching the lesson of the Coffee Bean he was bestowed with.

Common Ground

Toward the end of Michael's prison term, he had a chance meeting.  He met another man with a similar background, farming.

The chance meeting not only turned into an opportunity for Michael to learn and express new talents, listening and empathizing, but also became the content for a future best-selling book.

It was a chance: there had never been a reason for Michael to be transferred to the Federal Prison in Pahrump, Nevada, yet there he was.  And for months, the two men sat and discussed the other prisoner's plight.

The day after he was done interviewing him, Michael was released.  You would think this is the stuff that happens in movies, but, according to Michael, it was reality. 

Two threads weave together; connections allow for relationships, and when we focus on our personal timeline, we miss the opportunity for something so much bigger.

Both take time and intention.  Neither can be microwaved; they have to be slow-cooked.

Lessons Learned

Adversity is a great teacher when people take the time to learn from it.  What keeps a person from reentering prison, not doing the same as what they did to get them into prison?  The adversity isn't the teacher; it's just the classroom.

Adversity creates the conditions for learning.  Learning requires a student to be willing to listen and apply.

When we listen and apply what we learn, we change; the change can be temporary or permanent. 

As we grow, we create opportunities to engage with others in new ways.  Michael's growth positioned him to interview and befriend others, becoming a conduit for telling his story.  Damon’s growth not only changed him but has also impacted thousands of other prisoners.

Both engaged and displayed leadership skills and abilities to influence. Being able to embrace challenges, adapt, and thrive is resilience developed and lived out.

This only happens when we choose to serve others rather than making it all about us and our needs.

We don't have to be in prison to learn and develop resilient relationships and practical leadership skills, but it is a captive classroom where learning is survive or suffer.

Self-imposed prisons differ only in that the internal forces that develop are not nearly as strong as the pressure from physical threats.

A Classroom For You

In a couple of weeks, on January 7th, I am hosting a free webinar where I will teach about the 4 Walls of Insecurity, the self-imposed prison that holds all of us captive.

For those who want to know how to turn adversity into real leadership skills, join me on Jan 7th.

Did you catch this podcast? If not, listen to it here.