Negotiate with Empathy

When I started the rigorous work of personal development in 2018, I stumbled upon the idea that empathy was the secret sauce.

The antidote to insecurity-driven compensations of personality, demeanor, and actions.

During this period, a coach helped develop the “Empathy Spectrum.”

At one end was where I had lived and survived, the A-hole. At the other extreme, I saw people who excessively poured empathy on others, being overly compassionate, forgiving, sympathetic, etc., the Doormat.

Each acts with empathy. The A-hole has little empathy and fears that vulnerability and authenticity will be their demise. The doormat is fearful that if they don't let others walk all over them, use them, be enabled by them, or show them praise, the offender will dispense with them.

Both extremes are toxic to the person deploying and the recipient.

What is Empathy?

Brian Kight, a recent podcast guest, defined empathy as a deliberate choice to understand and prioritize what matters to others, even when it's inconvenient.

Conversely, and additionally, my guest this week, Shermin Kruse, in the book Stoic Empathy, provides another layer of clarification on empathy.

As a side note, maybe you're thinking, “Tyler, more empathy?”  Yes, more Cow Bell.

But the right kind of empathy.

That is why we can have so many conversations about empathy: a wide range of empathy is being employed in our world.

Shermin shares that empathy connects with others by understanding their emotions, motivations, and perspectives. Stoic Empathy builds on this by adding emotional discipline and rationality.

Being empathic requires the ability to embrace our humanness, including our fears, insecurities, vulnerabilities, and morality. Through the practice of Stoicism, tremendous strength arrives by controlling our emotions.

Not controlling where it means people are away or becoming numb, but understanding the power of emotions.

I shared with a friend this morning. There are two actions that span all cultures, customs, and languages: a smile and a tear.

They are human, and when used appropriately and effectively, do more than any word to display empathy.

When we negotiate with empathy, the aim isn't manipulation; it's finding common ground faster and more effectively to ensure a sustainable outcome.

Manipulation is acting in only one side's benefit, not collectiveness, leading to unsustainable, long-lasting relationships.

Summit

You are one of two people; you attended the IDL Summit or did not. In the two installments, I know that every speaker has brought tremendous value to the stage, audience, and community at large.

John Maxwell, Graham Cochrane, Jenni Catron, Jake Thompson, Katie Harnetiaux, and Katie Quesada have shared wisdom, painful and exciting stories, and lessons for days.

I am better because of them all.

As a last message about the Summit, I want to thank everyone who opens and reads this newsletter. You have made it possible for these events to exist and contributed to the success of so many others.

With that, the video replay of each presentation will be available shortly!

Did you catch this podcast? If not, listen to it here.