Out of Hiding

Before we get into it: The Things We Hide is officially released Tuesday, June 9. The book is available wherever you buy books, and bonus resources are still available at thethingswehidebook.com.

Well, no more hiding.

Thirty-two years ago, I pulled open a white storm door and stepped inside our barn. A sheriff’s deputy sat on the hood of his car behind me, still asking questions I was done answering. My brother Joel had just died. I was fourteen. It was an accident.

That barn wall became my shield. I leaned against and hid behind it for safety; I retreated behind it to block out the world. For over twenty-five years, I built more walls just like it, plank by plank, from fears and insecurities I refused to name or accept.

This week, the wall came down in public. The Things We Hide is on shelves, and in hands. The story I spent decades hiding is now the first thing anyone reads when they open the cover.

I'm not sure if writing it was the hardest work I have ever done. The reality is hiding was harder. Here is what I know now: the things we hide become heavy. Like a month’s worth of groceries in plastic bags, carried up two flights of stairs all at once.

I finally put the bags down. The choice to stop hiding is how.

This week on the podcast, there is no guest. It is just me, reading you into the book: the foreword, the introduction, and chapter one.

Windows in the Wall — Real Results

In The Things We Hide, I write that identifying your walls allows you to put windows in them. Starting this week, this section is where I share what happens when people do exactly that: real results from readers of the book and members of the Free to Lead (IDL) Roundtable, which walks the same framework.

This note landed in my messages from an early reader, just days after launch:

“Finished your book. Was a very good read. Can’t remember the last time I finished a book. Really opened my eyes on how others view me and why I hold back in certain areas. I plan on reading it again. I appreciate there are people like you that can explain personal experiences with clarity and how to learn and grow from them.”

Read that middle line again. “How others view me and why I hold back.” I'm not sure if you can relate to that.  But it is a wall being recognized. It is the first step in the entire framework: recognize your fears and insecurities, own how they show up, and reframe the underlying beliefs.

And they plan to read it again. One read opens the window. The second read is where the work begins, cleaning it.

If the book has moved something in you, hit reply and tell me. Your story might be the one that gives someone else permission.

Podcast

This week’s episode is different. No guest. June 9th was launch day for The Things We Hide, so I sat down and read you the opening of the book: John Maxwell’s foreword, the introduction, and Chapter One. Where the walls get built, where the wounds come from, and how they land on everyone around us.

Here are three takeaways from the reading:

1. The Walls Get Built Plank by Plank

No one decides to become intense, avoidant, dismissive, or distant. The walls go up one fear at a time: not being enough, not having value, being rejected, being seen as a fool. “Fearing you’re not good enough, you put your head down and push to accomplish.” Each insecurity adds a plank until the wall feels like personality. Recognizing your wall is not weakness. As John writes in the foreword, it makes you wise.

2. What We Hide Always Shows Up

Insecurity doesn’t stay inside. It leaks into meetings, teams, families, and friendships, shaping how others experience us long before we notice it. “People may not know what it is, but they sure know how and when it arrives.” We struggle not from a lack of talent or ability, but because hidden barriers collapse in on us through unspoken fears and protectionism. The fix is not more polish on the outside. It is honesty about what is underneath.

3. You Have to Do the Work on Your Own, but You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

In chapter one, I tell the story of David, a friend of 27 years who left a roundtable session twenty minutes in because he could not be vulnerable on a recording. One phone call later, he named the insecurity that had been running his life: being seen as a fool. “The most powerful exercise anyone can do is to admit that they are insecure.” It is not only liberating; it is energizing. After one 60-minute conversation, David’s life changed. That is what naming the wall does.

Take the Next Step — The Lead Without Hiding Challenge, June 23–25

Reading the book is where it starts. Doing the work is where one transforms.

That is why I built the Lead Without Hiding Challenge: three days, June 23 through 25, one hour each morning, where we take the framework from The Things We Hide and put it to work. You will name your biggest insecurity, identify the wall it built, and start reframing the beliefs that keep it standing.

This is the same work that has transformed leaders in the IDL Roundtable for six years, compressed into three days, live with me.

The challenge is $97. If something in this issue hit a nerve, that’s the wall. Come find it with me.

Join the challenge: leadwithouthiding.com

The book is available wherever you buy books, and bonus resources are still available at thethingswehidebook.com.

Did you catch this podcast? If not, listen to it here.