Overcoming Leadership Loneliness

If leadership is lonely, you are doing it wrong.

Jake expounded on his comment that leaders find their responsibility isolating because, in many cases, there isn't anyone in their organization with similar levels of responsibility.

Why?

I don't agree with “it's just how it is.”

I never liked it as a young boy, and at 45, I don't like it either.

I want to know the more profound level. I want to know how and why the engine works, not because I'm amazed by its current makeup. I want to find ways to ‘operate outside of the box.’

I’ve had the same opinion, believing leadership is lonely. Leadership can be lonely, but now I know leadership is lonely by our own making.

Natural Causes

Several natural organizational dynamics cause leadership to be lonely.

One person is the supreme decision-maker. A leader's ultimate distinction is being responsible for and making decisions.  While this is a fact, the lonely response is the drive to be the supreme holder of all information within a vacuum to make and consider those decisions.  It's the proverbial alone-on-an-island situation.  It doesn't have to be this way, though.

Balancing work and the rest of life.  The leader often has more ‘investment’ in the business than anyone else.  Leaders are often the principal owner or ‘owner of the segment.’  The loneliness factor shows up when the leaders believe they are the only ones who can do specific roles and tasks, thereby isolating themselves again.

Power Dynamics.   Politics is real in organizations; this isn't all bad and doesn't have to be bad.  It is a minefield to navigate, and again, the response from so many leaders is to create primarily emotional barriers to help mitigate the ability for politics to be impactful.

The Role of Leader itself. Leadership often has pressures and expectations that other roles don’t. Again, it is isolating and limiting. With mounting responsibilities, internal and external demands to the organization, trying not to play favorites, and disrupting the natural hierarchy, being open and honest is difficult.

The Solution 

The solution lies first in our minds. Leadership can be lonely, but it doesn't have to be. We can develop a group of advisors and counselors who will walk with us. The pathway to this is having a mindset that is open to growing. A mindset that seeks wise, internal, and external advice from your organization that helps you process and collaboratively make decisions.

These small steps build major changes in you and your organization.  A leader who operates in a silo creates a culture of isolation.

This limits the extent to which an organization can achieve and people's capacity to grow.

A leader who limits the growth capacity of those in their organization has a fixed ceiling on achievement.

Next, once we accept that leadership doesn't have to be lonely, we must take the next big step forward: authentically and vulnerablely seeking help.

Seek help from those within your organization. I believe this is done with empathy—putting your arms around someone and walking with them. Everyone needs this from their leader, and it's what every leader needs from those in their organization.

The key to effective two-way empathy is being authentically vulnerable.  It's sharing your needs, challenges, and wants relative to the mission.  Every leader has needs, challenges, and wants that won't overwhelm others and vice versa.  The key is sharing so each party can act upon and support each other.

Seek help from outside your organization. Along with seeking help inside, seek help from those outside. Outside doesn’t have to be consultants—it can, for sure—but others in a similar role to yours that you can confide in and seek perspective.

I would not be where I am or who I am today without the support I get from people outside my businesses.

I believe in it so much that I created a community of people, the Roundtable, to provide this level of support for others.

The Roundtable

I want to offer you the same opportunity. The Roundtable is the signature offering of the Impact Driven Leader Community.

This group meets weekly from February through November via Zoom. In the first year, we focus on the Awaken the Leader Within course, where we identify how to Awaken, Grow, and Lead.

Applications to join for 2025 are now open.

Lastly, Roundtable members get a free VIP ticket to the Impact Summit.

Did you catch this podcast? If not, listen to it here.