Relating Requires Connection

I’ll be honest with you (☺️IYKYK)…for many years, I was “afraid” to be the “real” me.  Why?

Because the “real” me got rejected one too many times, I struggled to be someone or something that people would accept.

There was one year I can remember where I got to be the real me: my senior year of high school.

My high school years were tough—high highs and LOW LOWs.  My freshman year was one for the ages.

Here is a brief bullet point list of things that happened during my Freshman year… Warning: I use some very blunt descriptions that might be hard to read to describe a traumatic experience.

• Started school at 5’ 3”, 110 lbs

• Sent home from an FFA leadership conference for breaking a pinball machine, taking all the quarters, AND also getting roped into toilet-papering someone’s room with my sister's friends.  That would have been one thing, but we deadbolted the door and left through the adjoining room door, which led to the door being removed to access the room.

• Suspended from competing in any FFA contests for a year

• Joined the basketball team after never having played organized basketball.

• Scored 3 points the entire season

• Got chastised by my basketball coach for celebrating after scoring a basket like ‘we won the Super Bowl’, despite being down by 35 points!

• Got caught stealing money from the theater room; suspended for 3 days

• Ran 300 laps around the basketball court to ‘earn’ my way back onto the basketball team

• Won the State 4-H Dairy Judging contest as top individual, I would have won 4-H and FFA had I been able to compete in FFA.

• Finish basketball season at 5’7” 130 lbs (4 months 4 inches, 20 lbs)

• Failed English class; refused to do my journaling project

• Ran over my 3-year-old brother, killing him

That all happened in less than 12 months.

Some of my experiences were directly related to trying to fit in and being accepted; others just made it harder.

Where ‘common’ is relatable, ‘uncommon’ is divisive.

While I was a ‘common’ teenage boy seeking approval, acceptance, and community, everything about me drove rejection and loneliness.

I was one of the few in my group of friends who was interested in cows.  I liked and played sports; others didn't.  I was physically and socially immature.  I lacked general courtesy (for years, on my report card, I got the lowest marks for “is courteous to others”).

My closest friends lived where I didn't.

My senior year of high school.  The concern, the pressure, the feeling of not fitting in lifted.

I played soccer, competed in dairy judging contests at the National level, and actually got to hang out with friends.

It was fun.  It was easy, well, except for having to apply to colleges!

I didn't feel judged for who I was; I felt accepted.

I was able to be me.

The Struggle to Relate

Maybe you’ve had a season like I did as a 14-year-old.  I tend to think that everyone does, yet they all appear different and occur at various times in life.

My struggle to relate was very much internal, yet it was aggravated by everything external to me.  I was trying to find out who I was, all the while my peers were doing the same thing.

Actually, I think that is the case for many leaders.

They are trying to figure out who they are, how to lead, and how to interact with their peers, friends, families, and everyone else.  Often from a place of low confidence, experience, or approval.  

Sounds a lot like my freshman year of high school!

So instead of choosing to be the person we are, to be relatable, we put on armor.

Armor to protect our insecurities and humanness.

Armor of the Tin Man

The last time I watched The Wizard of Oz was 27 years ago, during my fraternity days, and this viewing was accompanied by Pink Floyd’s “The Dark Side of the Moon.” But the comparison to the unrelatable leader and the Tin Man is too good not to reference.

The Tin Man was a real person, Nick Chopper, who, after being cursed by the Wicked Witch of the East, was transformed into a fully mechanical man.

Go figure, becoming mechanical caused him to lose his heart and ability to have compassion or feel love.

Hmm, the dots are aligning…

The Wicked Witch cursed Nick because he had fallen in love.  His vulnerability to love led to his curse.

Leaders who choose to harden their hearts are often those who have been burned or cursed to believe that leadership done right is heartless.

The Tin Man is ultimately saved because Dorothy oils him up. She didn't see the heartless, rusty, and stiff man; she saw a person, another human, and she related to him.

Relatability, Connection, and Trust

Being human and seeing others as humans is relatability in action.  Developing genuine connections is about nothing more than choosing to be relatable and relating with others.

Relatability fosters trust because when we can connect with others, we are more likely to trust them.  

Your Travelling Party

Before I wrap up today, I wanted to share a couple of ways we can keep learning and growing together inside the IDL Community.

First up: The FALL Roundtable Cohort starts September 17th. For 12 weeks, we’ll hop on Zoom each week—having real conversations, tackling challenges, and learning from each other’s experiences. Past participants have said this experience helped them reflect on their leadership journey and grow in ways they didn’t expect—gaining confidence, feeling more comfortable in their roles, and realizing something important: you don’t have to have all the answers or be perfect to lead well. We lean into authenticity, vulnerability, and continuous growth together.

If that sounds like what you’ve been looking for, just hit reply and let’s talk about whether it’s the right fit for you.

And looking ahead: The 3rd IDL Summit is scheduled for May 7-8, 2026. We’re already planning an experience that will leave you inspired, encouraged, and connected with leaders who truly get it. Go ahead and mark your calendar now—and keep an eye out for ticket details soon. (If you’re an Annual Roundtable member, you’ll have a VIP ticket waiting for you!)

I’d love to see you in one—or both—of these spaces. Leading can feel lonely, but it doesn’t have to be that way. We’re better when we grow together.

Did you catch this podcast? If not, listen to it here.