The Silent Language of Leadership: 3 Keys to Speaking with Your Actions

The Silent Language of Leadership: 3 Keys to Speaking with Your Actions

Interest in and training in proper etiquette is alive and well in our world today.

From proper dress to how to sit at meals to making an introduction, etiquette is the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group.

Jamila Musayeva routinely trains and educates people worldwide on how to meet the standard of etiquette in various societies.

Watch our conversation or any of her videos, and you will see her fully living it.

But this is what interested me most.  What were her kids like?  Did she mandate them to be etiquette savants? 

She is a mother of two—a girl and a boy—and when I asked her how she teaches them etiquette, she said, “by my actions!”

Mic-Drop moment.

She doesn't scold and force.  She doesn't shame and shun.  She graciously shows.

That is the first key to speaking with your etiquette acumen.  The best leaders don’t demand and force others to rise to their level.  They invite them.  They invite by doing the doing.  By being hospitable and kind.  By practicing general etiquette and inviting others to do the same.

Even during our conversation, when her daughter entered the shot and said “Hi’, Jamila didn't shoo her away. She paused, acknowledged her daughter, and, in a seemingly authentic motherly way, was caught off guard.  

Analyzing the moment now, I know she was wondering how I would react.  I smiled and engaged, being me, and then we continued our conversation.

Jamila shared that she knows her kids are kids, and they will make mistakes and get things wrong, which is merely a reality she has accepted.

Like any parent or leader, I imagine she has rules and works to implement standards and consequences for her children.  Yet, they are all based on her actions.

Teaching What Isn't Taught

The main reason Jamila started her YouTube channel, wrote books, and led workshops around the globe was to teach others what wasn't taught in school.

She was raised and has returned to the multicultural country of Azerbaijan, where she has had stints in the US and northern Europe for education.

She learned a different set of customs and traditions in each place, which made her interested in the overall impact of etiquette and actions.

We must often learn what is essential in life, the things never taught in school.

Learning how to present yourself best, your true self will yield tremendous benefits.

It will increase your ability to engage and connect with others. I know this firsthand. Many years ago, I had no idea how my demeanor affected a room, how my smile or simple gestures of welcome made others feel.

I vividly remember the day I walked into a hotel conference room and said to myself, "By how I carry myself, I can make people feel put off or welcome."

From that, I have studied myself and learned why I did what I did: in preservation or protectionism when I was cold and guarded.  It was in ease and excitement to connect that I smiled and engaged.

As Jamila shared, ‘Confidence is felt, not seen.’

This is the second key to speaking with your actions.  So many people think they need to exert confidence or prowess onto others.

I also think of the classic high school wrestler who has his arms crossed, his chin high in the air, and his chest held high.

This isn't confidence. The truly confident one holds their body knowing they are confident, not too much, and not shrinking. We all know it. True confidence is felt!

They are Human, too

One way Jamila discussed to temper the nervousness or thought that we need to impress with shows of confidence is to remember that others are human, too.

They have fears and concerns, families and challenges, hunger pains and bloating, too! No matter how famous or prestigious people are, they are going through the same things. Recognizing and acknowledging these shared human experiences can bridge the gap and foster genuine connections.

No matter how famous or prestigious people are, they are going through the same things.

When we embrace our authentic selves, people are most comfortable, and confidence is genuinely displayed. This is not just a lesson in etiquette, as Jamila accounted. It is a powerful tool for personal growth and leadership, bringing out the best true self.

This is truly the essence of etiquette, as Jamila accounted.  It is not for show but to bring out the best true self.

This is the last key: Be human and treat others as humans—because you and they both are.

So much work has been done in recent years to point out that the divide we see in people and classes in this world is that humanness is lost.

When we recognize others as human, we can see value in them.  And the other side of that coin, they can see value in us.

One bonus lesson that Jamila emphasizes is that etiquette is not about impressing others; it's about reminding ourselves that we are people of value aiming to serve people of value.